Fact One
1. Glamour is NOT Always Pretty
These two "girls" have been best friends
for over a hundred years. Over the decades they have honed their
skills in the art of accessorizing. They are known by their friends
as true glamour hounds...for they can sniff out any party or social
event quicker than a dog can sniff out his own asshole.
And although they are firmly entrenched in the lifestyle of the
"beautiful people", they are not particularly pretty
themselves. They can hold their own when it comes to cocktail
party wit and haute couture, or when an absolutely fabulous ENTRANCE
needs to made at some classy charity ball, but up close and under
the glare of flashbulbs they have faces that could stop not only
a clock, but time itself.
Check out this closeup of their
picture to fully understand the distinction between being
GLAMOUROUS and being pretty...the difference will be all too apparant.
(They aren't referred to in the society pages as the "Darling
Duo"
and behind their backs as "Grim & Grimmer" for nothing.)
If it weren't for Mistress Helga, Hope would not
have been able to achieve her meteoric rise to fabulousness. If
left on her own, she probably would not have bothered with the
two cans of hairspray and the tub of eye shadow that has transformed
her into the "beauty to behold" that you see before
you now. (Click here to experience
awe.)
Hope is lucky...she has the benefit of Mistress Helga to keep
her in line,
but most of us are not fortunate enough to have our own personal
disciplinarianess.
One must learn that with true glamour comes responsibility and
hard work with very strict guidelines, and that absolutely NOTHING
can be taken for granted.
From lipstick application to butt clenches...from selecting the
proper eye shadow trowel to knowing how many days a pair of panties
is good for,
maintaining the proper level of discipline is paramount to achieving
one's fashion goal.
A slacker CANNOT achieve true glamour.
Sometimes spending hours of hard work to attain
one's glamour goal will only result in frustration. Ivana had
spent three full days getting ready for San Francisco's annual
"Blue Ball", a charity event that raises money for the
sexually deprived, when she learned that Miss Anne Thrope, the
event's organizer had showed up in the exact same outfit.
Unfortuantely, this photograph
only caught the top half of her striking ensemble.
Not being the type of girl to "let things go", Ivana
quietly steamed for a few minutes before she finally "lost
it" and began eating some of her accessories.
The lesson here is that sometimes glamour conflicts CAN happen,
and it may be best to try to keep one's outfit restricted to items
that are easily digestable.
Jenny is a perfect example of how a little bit
of daring can go a long way. Glamourous ensembles are NOT limited
to sequins, rhinestones, silk and gold lame'.
She has taken one step over the line to show us that Glamour can
also reveal itself in a somewhat neoclassic way with the combination
of plastic feathers, a very LARGE bosom accented by a 100% polyester
(no imitations here!) faux cheetah-patterned scarf, and a brilliant
hot pink RUBBER skirt that actually glows in the dark!
Here is the complete picture of
Jenny as she demonstrates how truly glamourous manmade water
repellent fabrics can be...
Here is the most important lesson of all...
Glamour ALWAYS comes with a certain level of risk.
In this case, it seems that the fabulous Miss Jenny Tullwortz
had miscalculated the heat that a rubber dress could produce.
She was having a simply fabulous time dancing the night away at
the "Herpes for the Homeless" Dance-a-thon fundraiser
when her inner thighs and buttocks began to sweat. She had not
realized exactly how much sweat had accumulated until the perspiration
was dribbling down her legs and she accidentally stepped on a
loose electrical cord left out by the band.
The ensuing shock raced up her legs causing her to experience
the most intense orgasm of her life seconds before she was thrown
across the room where she landed dead on the floor like sack of
glamourous shit.
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