Lisa....what can be said about this ravishing
beauty?
(Click on the image to see her in her in all her splendor, wearing
her favorite party dress.)
Born with a silver spoon in her....er, mouth, Lisa spent her early
days getting whatever she wanted. Unfornutately for her father,
a well reknowned political figure in Washington, what she wanted
most was sex.
Sex, sex, and more sex...
Her motto, "I love what you do TO me" was the the creed
upon which she based every waking moment of her life. She thought
of herself as the plaything of the rich and famous and Washington
DC was her playground.
After causing a great scandal involving the breakup of a well
loved Senator's marriage and immediately afterwards being caught
in an indiscretion with her nanny's
pet chimp, Beelzebub, her father's political career was ruined.
Here is the notorious photo that
appeared in the Washington Post that was the final undoing
of her dear daddy.
He could take it no longer, so he disowned his spoiled daughter
and left her to fend for herself in the streets. Here is a picture taken of her as she left her
father's home for the last time. Her father eventually became
a successful autombile manufacturer and Lisa eventually became
disenchanted with Washington.
She hitchhiked all the way to San Francisco, where she met Vegas
La Rue, another social outcast, with whom she became quite close.
Lisa developed a flair for doing makeup and her good friend, Vegas, often volunteered to be her cosmetic
guinea pig.
I don't the think word "bitter" is a strong enough word
to describe the attitude which she developed because of her new
circumstances. She began seeing herself as a giant fingernail
and the entire world as her blackboard...but even that did not
give her the solace she needed so desperately, so she finally
turned to food in order to console herself.
Here is the last photograph she ever
allowed anyone to take of her. It was taken a year or so before
she became really obese.
Patti was a simple girl both in manner and intellect...
As a toddler on the family's pig farm in Ireland, Patti had trouble
accepting the fact that her porcine playmates were farm animals,
and not her siblings. No matter what her family tried, Patti continued
to sneak out to the pens and romp and wallow with her barnyard
pals every chance she got. Just playing with them was one thing,
but little Patti soon began taking on their eating and hygiene
habits as well, eventually putting on quite a bit of excess weight.
Click on the image above to see the complete picture taken of
Patti at age 13, the night she lost her virginity to the farm's
swineherd, Maurice.
And here is her debonair boyfriend...
the ever so sophisitcated Maurice
Le Pew, himself.
Our sweet little Patti was in "Hog Heaven", until she
realized that she was only being used by the dashing pigmeister.
You see, he had coaxed her into letting him take some pictures
of her on that fateful night, supposedly for his own private use,
but it soon came to light that he was selling the photographs
to the local paper.
Here is the only photograph of Patti
in his collection that was actually decent enough to be printed
in the paper.
Patti realized that she had only one option. Since she had brought
such disgrace to her family, the O'Furniture clan, she decided
she must leave home, change both her name and her appearance and
possibly even flee the country. She met a nice lady as she was
hitchhiking down the road, who took pity upon her, then took her
to lunch. Patti poured out her sordid little story and her newfound
friend was actually a great help! Over lunch they came up with
a new name for Patti, and from that day forward she was known
as "Patti Melt".
As for her appearance, her new friend had another idea...if Patti
lost 70 or so pounds and cleaned herself up, she would be a whole
new person. Luckily, this lady was the queen of quick weight loss.
Her name was Purgina and she had
a great diet plan for Patti. It WAS a bit messy on occaision,
but in no time at all, Patti Melt had lost a ton and was working
her way across the Atlantic on the "Love Boat" as a
cocktail waitress.
Here is the magnificent Patti Melt on
duty aboard ship, showing off her new figure...
The ship docked in San Francisco (they took the long way)
and that's where Patti Melt found her niche. She soon fell in
with the "glamour crowd" and before she knew what happened,
she had become the epitome of taste and elegance...setting the
standard for weight loss with class.
She started a new business, "GAGG" (Gorge And Gush with
Glamour),
teaching the rich and infamous how to spew their way to happiness,
with very little mess or fuss. Here is Patti
giving a demonstration of her uncanny aiming technique.
To this very day, Patti is as ravashing as ever...
It was a warm summer Sunday evening and all the
really "beautiful people" were hobnobbong with one another,
telling the same tired stories with the same condescending attitudes
when something outrageous happened!
The Lady in Red appeared. She was stunning. She was a vision.
She was drunk.
No one knew it at the time, but the "Lady in Red" was
Neeko, the internationally unknown Cuban fashion designer, model,
and tortilla manufacturer.
(Click on the image to see the true richness of her redness...)
After her longtime affair with Fidel Castro had gone sour, Neeko
sold all her belongings and managed to make her way to Miami,
where she immediately saw that she was far superior to the local
gentry in both fashion sense AND daring.
She knew then and there that she had to leave for greener pastures,
but she was broke....that is until she met a kind and loving eldery
man named Earl. As he consoled her, her head on his shoulder,
she quietly relieved him of his wallet, and was finally able to
extricate herself from his care after what seemed like an eternity.
After a few hours of partying, she decided what she must do. She
only had enough money left for a one way ticket to San Francisco,
the furthest spot from Cuba that she could afford to go, so she
bought the ticket, boarded the plane, and arrived here that very
night. She had had a few too many cocktails on the flight and
was feeling no pain by the time she hit the streets....and I mean
LITERALLY "hit the streets"...
That very night she was "discovered" by Miss Kay Wye
(see GlamGallery 4), who took her in, nursed her through her hangover,
whereupon they immediately became best girlfriends... Here
is Neeko as Kay first saw her...right after she had tripped
and slid down the stairs in front of a famous Bay Area posh country
club
They soon started their own design company, "NeekoWear",
and have lived fruitful and successful lives in the upscale fashion
idustry ever since. Neeko toned down her look a bit, and became
more ravishing as time marched on.
(modeling the gown she designed for Heidi Fleiss
to wear to her sentencing)
Click on the image to see Neeko as she is today, still a vision
of youthful loveliness. The rumor mill has it that she has undergone
extensive plastic surgery to maintain her youthful appearance,
but Neeko claims she owes it all to a daily regimen of Snapple,
sex and aerobocic vogueing.
Move over Cindy Crawford AND Donna Karan!
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